I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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