you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
