His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
