I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
