i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
