Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
