Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
