the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
