i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone came in the potted fern
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