my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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