and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sarcasm needs its own font
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
