I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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