I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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