our cab driver is having phone sex.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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