my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
