i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
