Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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