I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
