ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
