like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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