I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
