was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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