I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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