we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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