That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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