I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This is my gift to your gina
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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