giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
