cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
