Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
