If i come over, it means nothing
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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