a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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