Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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