thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
