You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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