If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
