Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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