I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
