drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
