if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
