do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
