Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
