honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
