whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
