I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
