Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
