I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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