her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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