she looked like the before picture.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
bring money and cleavage
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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