i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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