Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
