Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
