I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
