You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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