Will you blow on my dice?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
