I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
