guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
